Cory's Top 10 Christmas Movies - Spokane, North Idaho News & Weather KHQ.com

Cory's Top 10 Christmas Movies

Posted: Updated:
SPOKANE, Wash. -

I can't tell you how many times, no matter what time of year, people stop me and say "Cory, what are your Top 10 Christmas movies?* Actually I can tell you how many times that's happened. Zero.

But just in case you are curious which movies I don't mind watching over and over during the Christmas season, here they are. 

#10: Lethal Weapon 

I know what you're thinking: "This should be ranked much higher." And you're right, but a movie about a depressed, potentially psycho-pension seeking cop solving a murder and stumbling onto a drug trafficking operation in the process is the perfect way to kick of the holiday season and this list. This movie taught me a lot about life. Like how you should always be prepared for a gun battle to break out in a Christmas tree lot, and how even though you may think you're retiring in a few days, you're really going to continue working for three more sequels or 11 years. Which ever comes first. 

Memorable Quotes (that I'm allowed to include in this article): 

  • "Well, I'll tell you what. You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody, especially me, or yourself, then I'll start trusting you."
  • "Do you really wanna jump? Do you wanna? Well then that's fine with me. Come on, let's do it..."

#9: A Christmas Story 

When I was a kid and getting in Pink Floyd, I would listen to Dark Side of the Moon on repeat. Usually as loud as I could. My dad, who was probably pleased I was moving on from my Top 40 phase (thankfully) and actually beginning to appreciate good music, loved Pink Floyd. But he hated the song "Money." I never understood that. I came to find out even Roger Waters wasn't a huge fan, and for the same reason my dad wasn't: It was overplayed. He had heard it so many times that it just wasn't as special. I can relate to that now. Turn on the radio and you'll hear exactly what I mean because you'll probably get my dad's lifetime listening count of "Money" in the form of Adele's "Hello" in a four-hour block. It was a good song. Until I heard it every five minutes. 

A Christmas Story me is a lot like "Money" for my dad (and Mr. Waters). It's just been overplayed. TBS has been running 24 hour marathons on it during Christmas Eve and Christmas for years now, and I've seen it too many times. That's not say it's a bad movie. It made the list didn't it?

Bunny suits, BB guns and bloodhounds. A winning combination every time. 

Memorable Quotes:

  • "You'll shoot your eye out!"
  • "Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh Fuuuuuuuuuuudddddgggggggggggggeeeeee. Except I didn't say fudge."

#8: Gremlins

I can't tell you how many times I was afraid to feed my hamster after midnight or get him wet after seeing this movie. On the flip side, once I realized that he wouldn't turn into an actual monster, I'd just sit there for hours and shoot water at him through a straw and mock him by saying "Whatcha gonna do? Turn into a Gremlin? I think not." 

OK, that never happened. But Gremlins manages to mix horror, comedy and Christmas all into one big, fat piece of movie magic. If your father's innocent attempt to surprise you on Christmas actually ends with him breaking his neck and being roasted in chimney while dressed as Santa is only the second worst thing to happen to you on Christmas, because cute little Mogwai's turn into gross, murderous monsters, then maybe the Christmas season isn't for you Phoebe Cates. Move to Ridgemont and go to high school or something. They have swimming pools there. 

Memorable Quotes

  • "First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it'll kill him. Second, don't give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight."
  • "They're watching Snow White. And they love it."

#7: Batman Returns

I'm a fan of Christian Bale as Batman, but Michael Keaton was pretty awesome in his two films as the caped crusader. Although I like Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy better, Tim Burton's films stand on their own, and Batman Returns earns a spot on my Christmas movie list.

You've got cool-talking Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito with an Oscar-worthy performance in my opinion, and Michelle Pfeiffer as... well, let's just say as a 9-year-old boy when this movie came out, she was the best part of it. And let's not forget Christopher Walken and his hair. Great villain hair. 

Memorable Quotes:

  • The Penguin: [while being bombarded by food] "Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?"
  • "The tree lights up, and then I push the button. No-no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I press the button and *then* the tree lights up..."

#6: Elf

Stranger in a strange land. Will Ferrell's character Buddy never notices that's what he is until someone tells him. A 6 foot tall elf among miniature counterparts. So he heads to New York to find his real father. He's a perpetual fish out of water. 

The best part about this movie is how quotable it is. 

Can you honestly say you've never walked past Santa in River Park Square and at the very least audibly mumbled to yourself, if not screamed, "Santa! I know him!" 

Or maybe ran into a diner and congratulated them on their self-proclamation of having the "World's Best Coffee"? 

You could probably apply lines from this movie to your everyday life, year-round. Plus, Buddy the Elf taught us it's OK to put maple syrup on everything. 

More memorable quotes: 

  • "I am a cotton-headed ninnymoggins!"
  • "You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa."

#5: The Santa Clause

This movie is frightening and confusing to me. It's baffled me from the very first moment I saw it. 

Basically, the real Santa falls off Tim Allen's house and dies, and because Tim finds him, that means he's the new Santa. He reluctantly takes the gig and because we're all distracted by the hilarity that is Tim Allen coming to terms with being the new man in red, we're supposed to completely forget that a man is dead. That he fell off of a roof and died! 

Tim Allen goes back to the North Pole the same night that Santa #1 kicks the bucket and no one, not one of the elves seemed concerned, heartbroken, or even the slightest bit sad that the man they presumably spent many, many years with is dead. No one questions this. They just say, "Welcome aboard new guy!" 

There's something to be said for that kind of disposable loyalty and if I were in Tim Allen's shoes, that would concern me. A lot. Not to mention, the potential lawsuit he could face for being the homeowner of the house that Santa killed himself on. Now I know what you're thinking:

"Lawsuit? How would Tim Allen be in any way responsible for what legally constitutes as an intruder trying to break into his home? How is he responsible for any wrongful death lawsuit?"

Believe me, with all of the frivolous lawsuits and ambulance chasing lawyers out there these days, I've seen weirder judgments come down. If I were in Tim Allen's situation, rather than put on that red suit, I'd be phoning the police, immediately followed by my lawyer. 

But still, take all of that out of it, and it's a pretty good movie. 

Memorable quotes: 

  • "Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key lime disease."
  • "And I'll have a Caesar. No dressing. And one of those homemade cookies, the warm chocolate chip. No nuts. And a little slice of cheesecake. Uh, crème brulee, and, um, hot fudge sundae, extra hot fudge."

#4: Home Alone

There are so many things wrong with this movie, yet so many things right. 

Macaulay Culkin's parents and entire family just leave him behind. As a kid, this sounds fun. But eventually two burglars try to break into his house and straight up murder him. It's disguised well as Three Stooges-type fun, but make no mistake, Harry and Marv were ruthless burglars who would've had no problem taking out a kid in the way of their Chicago upper-class loot. The problem is that ruthless and inept are often a deadly combination. But despite the fact that they should have died while trying to break into the house, they come out relatively unscathed. 

Macaulay Culkin essentially puts them through a gauntlet of torture and somehow they come out alive. Ready for the sequel. They should've been dead. Doctors and nurses all agree on this. Watch this if you don't believe me. 

Taking all of this into account, Home Alone still holds up as a great Christmas movie. 

Memorable Quotes:

  • "Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?"
  • "He's a kid. Kids are stupid."


#3: Bad Santa

Billy Bob Thornton gives a different take on the hard-knock life that is a mall Santa. There is something gratifying about seeing these figures that we held so dearly as children hit rock bottom. Shakes the Clown is another cinematic example of this. Or maybe I just enjoy watching alcoholic clowns and Santas. 

There is a message to take away from Bad Santa. I don't know what that message is, but I'm sure it's in there. Maybe that people can change? Crime does pay? I don't know. It's mostly cheap laughs and I'm OK with that. Can't wait for the sequel next year. 

Memorable Quotes:

  • "I beat the ____ out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something."
  • "It's a wooden pickle."

#2: Christmas Vacation

This holds a sentimental spot on my list. If you celebrate Christmas, and even if you don't, I think most everyone watches a Christmas movie during this time of year. This movie was the one my family and I watched every single year. 

Wrapped up cats, Aunt Bethany, fried pussy cats, government-issued metal plates in your head, storm sewers being used as RV toilet dumps, tree sap, sledding, Snot the dog, the ultimate Christmas light display, and of course....SQUIRREL! This movie is great from start to finish. 

Memorable Quotes: 

  • "Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now."
  • "And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?"...."I don't know Margo!"

#1: Die Hard

There are two types of people in this world. Those that think Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie ever, and those who are wrong. That's all the explanation this needs. 

Memorable Quotes:

  • The entire movie. Every. Single. Word. 

If you don't agree with my list, that's fine. It's quite subjective. Opinions differ. But if you really want to take the time to tell me how much you agree or disagree with me, you can always reach me on my Facebook page and on Twitter, @CoffeeCory. 

MOBILE USERS CLICK HERE for SLIDESHOW

  • Most Popular StoriesMost Popular StoriesMore>>

  • Death toll rises to 13 after duck boat capsizes

    Death toll rises to 13 after duck boat capsizes

    Friday, July 20 2018 9:08 AM EDT2018-07-20 13:08:47 GMT

    BRANSON - Authorities say divers have found two more bodies after a duck boat carrying tourists capsized in southwest Missouri, bringing the death toll to 13.Missouri State Highway Patrol Sgt. Jason Pace says four others remain missing Friday after the accident on Table Rock Lake in Branson Thursday evening. He says 14 others survived, but that seven were injured.  

    >>

    BRANSON - Authorities say divers have found two more bodies after a duck boat carrying tourists capsized in southwest Missouri, bringing the death toll to 13.Missouri State Highway Patrol Sgt. Jason Pace says four others remain missing Friday after the accident on Table Rock Lake in Branson Thursday evening. He says 14 others survived, but that seven were injured.  

    >>
  • Hayden man arrested for hate crime following fight with youth pastor

    Hayden man arrested for hate crime following fight with youth pastor

    Friday, July 20 2018 2:36 AM EDT2018-07-20 06:36:38 GMT

    COEUR D'ALENE, Idaho - On July 12, officers responded to a large fight at a Coeur d'Alene McDonald's. Court documents say a Hayden man was charged with battery and malicious harassment, which is considered a hate crime in Idaho, following an investigation by police.  When officers arrived on scene, the fight had broken up, but witnesses were interviewed at the scene.

    >>

    COEUR D'ALENE, Idaho - On July 12, officers responded to a large fight at a Coeur d'Alene McDonald's. Court documents say a Hayden man was charged with battery and malicious harassment, which is considered a hate crime in Idaho, following an investigation by police.  When officers arrived on scene, the fight had broken up, but witnesses were interviewed at the scene.

    >>
  • Boylston wildfire shuts down I-90 in Kittitas County

    Boylston wildfire shuts down I-90 in Kittitas County

    Friday, July 20 2018 10:24 AM EDT2018-07-20 14:24:18 GMT

    KITTITAS COUNTY, Wash. - I-90 westbound has reopened at Vantage, however, eastbound I-90 remains closed due to fire activity. Detours are in place. The situation will be reevaluated at 4pm. 

    >>

    KITTITAS COUNTY, Wash. - I-90 westbound has reopened at Vantage, however, eastbound I-90 remains closed due to fire activity. Detours are in place. The situation will be reevaluated at 4pm. 

    >>
HD DOPPLER 6i
/
  • Regional NewsMore>>

  • BOLO issued for armed man, woman believed to be in danger

    BOLO issued for armed man, woman believed to be in danger

    Wednesday, July 18 2018 12:39 PM EDT2018-07-18 16:39:01 GMT

    MISSOULA, Mont. - The United States Marshals Service issued a Be On the Lookout for a man charged with aggravated assault and tampering with a witness. According to the US Marshals, Marco Antonio Guzman fled the Libby, MT area with Sandra Carris. Guzman is believed to be armed and dangerous. Carris is not believed to be a willing participant in the travel and has been listed as a missing endangered person. 

    >>

    MISSOULA, Mont. - The United States Marshals Service issued a Be On the Lookout for a man charged with aggravated assault and tampering with a witness. According to the US Marshals, Marco Antonio Guzman fled the Libby, MT area with Sandra Carris. Guzman is believed to be armed and dangerous. Carris is not believed to be a willing participant in the travel and has been listed as a missing endangered person. 

    >>
  • Ryegrass Coulee fire near Vantage now fully contained

    Ryegrass Coulee fire near Vantage now fully contained

    Thursday, July 12 2018 1:48 PM EDT2018-07-12 17:48:43 GMT

    VANTAGE, Wash. - Firefighters say the Ryegrass Coulee fire burning near Vantage is now 100 percent contained, days after the blaze first broke out late Monday night. The fire burned a total of 1,612 acres. It destroyed one outbuilding and damaged a barn, but no homes were lost. All evacuation orders for the town of Vantage were lifted around 7 p.m. Wednesday evening.

    >>

    VANTAGE, Wash. - Firefighters say the Ryegrass Coulee fire burning near Vantage is now 100 percent contained, days after the blaze first broke out late Monday night. The fire burned a total of 1,612 acres. It destroyed one outbuilding and damaged a barn, but no homes were lost. All evacuation orders for the town of Vantage were lifted around 7 p.m. Wednesday evening.

    >>
  • It's 7-11! It's FREE SLURPEE DAY!

    It's 7-11! It's FREE SLURPEE DAY!

    Wednesday, July 11 2018 8:31 AM EDT2018-07-11 12:31:45 GMT

    Hey! It's gonna be hot today! Leslie Lowe thinks it'll be about 83 degrees today. Couldn't you use a nice treat to cool yourself down? 7-Eleven has you covered today! For years, the convenience store chain has been giving away free Slurpees on July 11th, because you know... 7-11!  All you have to do is visit a participating 7-Eleven between 11am and 7pm (see what they did there?), and you can help yourself to a free small Slurpee!

    >>

    Hey! It's gonna be hot today! Leslie Lowe thinks it'll be about 83 degrees today. Couldn't you use a nice treat to cool yourself down? 7-Eleven has you covered today! For years, the convenience store chain has been giving away free Slurpees on July 11th, because you know... 7-11!  All you have to do is visit a participating 7-Eleven between 11am and 7pm (see what they did there?), and you can help yourself to a free small Slurpee! 

    >>