The cost of the 12 days of Christmas - Spokane, North Idaho News & Weather KHQ.com

The cost of the 12 days of Christmas

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SPOKANE, Wash. -

It's a song we all at least know the tune of, though I must admit, up until I wrote this article, I couldn't tell you each gift from The 12 Days of Christmas song. However, after doing a little research, it's obvious whoever wrote it loved to give birds as gifts. A lot of birds. Like... an obscene amount of birds.

So many birds that whoever was on the receiving end had to have felt very uncomfortable. They had to have been freaking out and wondering how they were going to feed and care for all of them. They had to have been worried about the amount of droppings that would inevitably fill their home. They must've known at some point their neighbors were going to call the cops on them due to the extensive amount of birds on the property. A welfare check if nothing else. 

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It's just a weird song, with even weirder gifts. How exactly do you give someone 10 Lords? Leaping Lords, no less. Where do you even find that? The Leaping Lords Store? Is that only open during Christmas shopping season? 

Pipers, drummers, calling birds. I have a headache just thinking about it. 

But what if you were this disturbed person with an affinity for bird giving? How much would that actually cost you in 2016? Thanks to PNC, we don't have to actually go buy 300 birds to find out. 

Let's take a look: 

Day 1: A partridge in a pear tree - $209.99

  • PNC says this gift's price decline from last year is fully due to the Partridge which fell 20% from $25 to $20, due to oversupply of game birds. The Pear Tree will set you back $189.99 - the same as last year. 

Day 2: Two turtledoves - $375

  • Nearly $400 for doves? Not sure what doves sound like when they cry, but I know what I sound like when I cry after finding out the price of doves.According to PNC, the doves experienced the biggest spike in price from last year, compared to the rest of the gifts.

Day 3: 3 French Hens - $181.50

  • Not exactly sure what makes a hen French. Would my true love notice if I just got her some regular, run-of-the-mill hens? American hens? Because I'm pretty sure I can go to any farm supply store and pick up a hen for a couple of bucks. 

Day 4: 4 Calling Birds - $599.96

  • More birds! $600 worth of birds! This is getting ridiculous. And loud. And smelly. 

Day 5: 5 Gold Rings - $750

  • This actually seems like a reasonable price for five gold rings. That's $150 each. These can't be from a reputable dealer. They must be from that guy who sells them in the alley out of his white van. They have to be hot. Buy at your own risk. 

Day 6: 6 Geese-A-Laying - $360

  • At least these birds are contributing something. At least you get some sweet geese eggs out of the deal. 

Day 7: 7 Swans-A-Swimming - $13,125

  • Holy cow! I'm in the wrong business. I need to get into the swan breeding business. Fast. These birds are the most expensive item out of all the days. They better come trained to bring me coffee or something. 

Day 8: 8 Maids-A-Milking - $58

  • So swans, who contribute nothing, are $13,125, but these hard-working maids, eight of them, are only going to set you back $58? Wow. Something is wrong here. 

Day 9: 9 ladies dancing - $7552.84

  • Each one of these ladies is getting about $840. For what? How long will they be dancing? What kind of dancing is this? This is Christmas, not a bachelor party! 

Day 10: 10 Lords-A-Leaping - $5508.70

  • The Lords are making less than the dancing ladies! Not that they need the money. I envision Lords to be well off. On a side note, how exactly does one get paid for leaping? How can this be turned into a career? Asking for a friend. 

Day 11: 11 Pipers Piping - $2708.40

  • The piper business isn't what it used to be, but for 2016, that seems like a decent wage. There are entire bands getting paid peanuts to play in bars and for some reason, if you're a piper, you're making bank. I don't think it would've been possible without the trailblazing pioneer work of Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. 

Day 12: 12 Drummers Drumming - $2934.10

  • So you just spent the last 12 days filling your house with birds, jewelry, and people either dancing or leaping. What could top that? How about 12 drummers actively drumming in your house? Sounds great. They're probably not even John Bonham or Steve Gorman quality drummers. They're definitely amateurs who just got a beginners drum set their parents bought for them at Guitar Center. Get some Tylenol. You're going to need it. 

The grand total, if you bought all of these gifts each time they appear in the song (thanks to PNC for doing the math) is: 

$156,507.88!!!!!!

Merry Christmas, everyone! 

*Photos Courtesy of PNC

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