Independence Day (or rather, "Declaring our Dependence") - Spokane, North Idaho News & Weather KHQ.com

Independence Day (or rather, "Declaring our Dependence")

We have reached week 36 - less than a month from our due date and officially in our ninth month of pregnancy.  Yesterday, we had our pre-admission paperwork meeting with a nurse at the hospital.  Filling out all of the forms and answering all of the questions was a real walk down Memory Lane.  I can hardly believe it's been eight months since the beginning of this journey.   I can barely remember what it was like to be nauseous and crying all of the time.  It seems like only yesterday though that all of my maternity clothes were still a little roomy.  I can't even remember what my non-maternity clothes look like - it's been since at least January that I've worn any of them. 

Looking back on this "first-time pregnancy" experience, I have to admit that it wasn't so bad.  In fact, I rather enjoyed myself.   Sure, I complained a lot - mostly about the little things - but I still feel quite good about the experience.  I learned so much about my husband, our parents, and myself too.   I think all of the swelling, nausea; aching and sleeplessness will prove worth it here in a few weeks. 

It's strange to think that we're in the "anytime now..." phase.  Granted, it's still a little early - but realistically things could happen anytime.  I don't feel like I have any wild loose ends to tie up before the baby comes.  I can honestly say that I feel ready.   I'm a little hesitant to call myself "prepared", being that it'll be an entirely new experience for us.   I can say that I think we've done all that we can do to be ready for whatever happens. 

Billy and I have called each other "mommy" and "daddy" casually ever since we adopted Scootch (our cat), but to actually be somebody's mother and father will be a different feeling altogether, I think.   Knowing that I'll be called "Mom" more often than "Holly" will be something to get used to.  That must be the "real" transition into adulthood...for years I've wondered when the switch would be flipped and I'd finally feel like a real grown-up.   Sure, I've lived on my own and become financially responsible for myself; I'm married, I do my own taxes and now even own a home - but I have always felt like "just a kid" myself.  I feel closer to my high school graduation than my reunion (which was last summer), and always felt nervous when I got carded at a bar or at the grocery store.   I've hit adult milestone after milestone, but always felt like no one was taking me seriously - who would - I'm "just a kid," right?  Parenthood seems like it could be the next big milestone that just might put me over the edge into real adulthood.   If and when it does, I'm sure it'll be when I finally look at myself and say, "I don't want to grow up...who really cares about being taken seriously anyway?"

I'm definitely starting to digest the idea that I will never again be alone for the rest of my life.  I worked for 29 years to prove my own independence, only to create something that will be entirely dependent on me (and vice-versa).   I fought to "be myself" and to make the decisions to do what I want to do - I'm sure to the chagrin of my parents - and now, I'll be doing whatever Victor wants to do, not what I want to do. 

And you know what?  I'm totally okay with that.

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